Paddy Plays Fast and Loose with Lenzr

This morning I found Paddy rooting through my makeup portfolio photos. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was looking for photos to submit to the latest lenzr photo contests. “There are four running right now,” he said. “We should be able to win at least one or two.”

“Take the contest ‘How Green Are You’ for instance. Contestants photograph symbols of environmental protection—objects like recycling bins, tied bundles of newspapers and cardboard, composters, rain collectors, windmills, hybrid cars, solar power, and rooftop gardens and explain which they’ve adopted. We can send in the photo of the girl in the dress made of juice boxes, or the girl in the hat because I think the hat’s made of paper.”

“Yeah, it might be; I’ve a couple of designer sun hats like that, but…”

“If we win The Grass Cutters will reward us with a rechargeable battery powered lawn mower. Cool huh? The company is competing in the 2010 Green Innovation Awards.  Every year the Toronto Community Foundation donates up to $50,000 to help green businesses get established in Toronto.”

“That’s nice, but our lawn’s too big for one mower.”

“And look, here’s the ‘Backyard Party Events’ sponsored by Absolute Tent and Event Services. Photographers enter with pictures they’ve shot of family and friends using folding tables and folding chairs partying and enjoying their backyards. Easy-peasy”

“Paddy we don’t have a backyard, we have grounds, and our balcony’s a mess.”

“Yeah, but we can clean it up. Or we could use the photo of the girl in the hat and say she’s sitting in a fold up chaise lounge or something. If we win we get a pop-up tent and a $500 gift certificate towards the rental of a big tent; we could set that up somewhere and run a quick-and-dirty beer garden.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Spoilsport. OK, how about this. S.E. Telecommunications is sponsoring the “Obsolete Office Equipment” contest. Contestants enter by sending in their pics of old office stuff. We can take pictures of your cell phone and send them in.”

“Piss off.”

“Alright, alright, how about your photo ‘The Director’? Nobody uses that kind of chair anymore so the design is kinda obsolete.”

“Paddy, that photograph is not…”

“The winner of this contest gets a snazzy new 4-line office phone system. We could use that.”

“No, we can’t use ‘The Director,’ or any other photo from that shoot.”

“Alex, you’re no fun at all. How do you expect us to win if we don’t….”

“You can’t use photos you didn’t take yourself. I didn’t take the photos in my makeup portfolio; I just did the makeup for them. I can only use those pics to promote myself as a makeup artist. Entering the makeup shots in a lenzr contest would be cheating.”

Paddy blushed. “People cheat all the time, and who’d know?”

“We would Paddy, and we know it wouldn’t be the right thing to do. People signed up with lenzr choose the contest winners by voting for their fave pics; I couldn’t cheat those people and I doubt you could either Paddy. You’re not that kind of person.”

Paddy blushed even more and looked down. “Aw…I guess you’re right. I’d just like us to win something.”

“Fine, there’s nothing wrong with winning a cool contest; just do it fairly.”

Paddy brightened up immediately. “I’ve an idea, lets have a bonfire sometime soon. Geo Installers is sponsoring the ‘Fire and Ice’ contest for photos of fire photography work as long as the subject has been photographed in winter conditions. Bonfires blazing in the sunset of a frozen lake, boilers melting icicles in damp basements, cooking fires burning brushwood and melting snow beside ice fishing huts even candles held aloft at a Christmas church service would qualify. We’d win a GeoAir PCO air purifier and with you smoking again, well?”

“Paddy, it’s April. Winter is over.”

“Oh yeah. Say, how cold is it in our basement?”

I just smiled, and then laughed.

The deadlines for entering these contests is May 1st. Drop by the lenzr website for more information on the rules (no cheatin’ now) and prize information, and good luck. Paddy may be competing against you and he does have an imagination.

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